Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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