My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
