i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
