Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
