what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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