Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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