People with herpes should wear stickers.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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