TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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