There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize