Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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