Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
