He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
