giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
