Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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