How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
