I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
