I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize