im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
