This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk is not a location!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
