Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
