I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize