If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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