so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
