I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
