yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
