Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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