I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
