Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
