So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
