i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
