Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
