I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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