did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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