I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
