I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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