he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
