I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
