If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
