Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
