I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
