OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
