i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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