bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize