I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
