no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
