I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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