Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
