it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize