I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
