Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
