I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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