i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
