I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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