I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
