Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
