She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
