the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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