don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
