the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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