I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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