we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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