i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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