Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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