Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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