Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
